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Reflections on how to respond when other people correct or intervene with your child:

By Naomi Aldort

A mother asked what to do when people in public or elsewhere in the community, correct her young child, specially when it opposes to what she would want to say. Here is my response, which is very different than any I have ever seen:

 Yes, there are situations that I would pluck my child and move away, obviously, while validating her feelings as needed and calmly. But, most such interventions are not dangerous and can be well intended and sometimes even useful. It is good for children to encounter real life and people, and experience relationships on their own. This is how humans are and children learn to deal with real people this way (when safe of course and depending on age). To undo damaging "correction", I respond to the child; not to the adult!

 (Incidentally, this is the best lesson for the adult too.) 

 This way the child learns how to respond, rather than how to change the other. She learns to take care of herself rather than see herself as a victim who needs rescue or a defense. This builds emotional resilience and teaches skills of empathy and kindness because you communicate to the child with empathy, validation and kindness as well as with strategy for self care and avoiding focus on blame. 

 For example, you may say, "This man told you xyz..." and, depending on the response or facial expression and the situation, you can connect with your child. First find out if it really mattered, "How do you feel about what he said?" If the child says or looks hurt, you can validate, "If you don't like... we can go elsewhere." Sometimes, it is not reparable, or your child has to cooperate in ways you or she don’t like. Don’t teach the other person; care for your child like other people are the rain and wind. “Well, it looks like you won’t be able to play on the slide now. What would you like to do instead?” And if the child cries, listen and hug as needed without adding righteousness or drama. Your goal is to ensure that your child stays rooted in herself and knows that she can trust the way she feels. And, that if the situation is such that she doesn’t get her way, can can handle it.

 Or, if harsh words were spoken, listen to your child and connect with compassion but without drama. The child learns to trust her inner voice and to take action for herself, while not trying the hopeless strategy of changing other people.

 ©Copyright Naomi Aldort 2019

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I am pro-life: (What?? Read on)

By Naomi Aldort

  1. I would ban wars and the making of armies and weapons. 
  2. I would use the money saved from #1 to abolish child’s poverty and support parenting fully.
  3. I would ban toxic foods, toxic pharmaceuticals and guns.
  4. I would clean the water and air so life becomes sustainable for all.
  5. I would invest in communication for peace and resolving global issues cooperatively.

All these is pro life and is possible; we need to invest in peace and life. Being Pro-life is not about controlling women in the face of life not worth living due to poverty resulting from greed and inequality.

If the state decides for the woman to keep a pregnancy; it follows that the state should pay to provide a high standard healthy birth, and pay for the highest quality of raising, housing, feeding and educating that child, thereby providing a life worth living for both the child and the mother and hopefully the father.                              

No, this is not my solution (read on); it is a way of pointing to the absurdity of government control over women… which comes from the ego, control, righteousness and lack of real care for the life. In reality, what we need is a government that is not involved in personal choices, but is pro-life by ensuring living conditions for all: A government that invests in the people, such that life, education, wellbeing and self-esteem of both men and women, necessarily reduce the number unwanted pregnancies: Young people who grow up feeling good about themselves, connected and thriving, are very unlikely to rape or surrender to coercive sex. And, yes there will still be unplanned pregnancies. We need a system that supports those who get pregnant unintentionally, to choose freely from viable options.        

Instead of bullying poor women (those who can will go to another state to abort) into raising children they cannot afford to raise, and have these poor kids suffer and grow potentially into someone who could take someone’s life (when drunk or mentally ill), we need a government that is really pro-life; the life of the women and the children; A government that invests in maternity leave for both mothers and fathers and in safe maternity and abortion facilities. 

To be pro-life, a government must invests in peace, in clean air, water, healthy food and free education instead of investing in the military and marching young people into killing fields.  

Pretending to be “pro-life” by controlling women whose poverty and impossible life conditions have been the result of inequality rooted in greed - is not being pro-life, but and an ego centered pro-power. 

I invite us all to be pro-life and pro living in freedom for all, not just the few. 

© Copyright Naomi Aldort 2019

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NY Times article and my response:

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/14/opinion/call-out-social-justice.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage&fbclid=IwAR0XFhoJKoChYkwsjOmy3MQWKNhUBK355cv-mHvJ3Ns-XGngHiaHurwBEsw#commentsContainer

Naomi Aldort's reflection:

Until we break the cycle of right and wrong, and "us" versus “them"; we cannot have peace or achieve real human progress no matter how peaceful the ideas. The NY Times articles points the fingers at the people who publicly “execute” those they see as, “wrong.” Yes, their action are violent. However, the article too is more division and shaming just like what it presents; taking sides and ganging on the mythical ‘other’. 

When I teach parenting about siblings rivalry and marriage, I always say: Bring peace by not taking sides. Each human being has a valid reason for their ways; one that requires care - not punishment. 

Therefore, yes, these young people are busy witch hunting and public shaming, but they are sure that they are doing the right thing, just like the ‘others’ are sure of their point of view. It is how they were raise (not parents’ fault either, as they too were raised this way with best of intentions. There is not fault to be found - only connection and understanding.) Blaming the former generation is just more war. Will you be the first to take a turn towards peace? That is what it takes; being the one. 

Most people are raised to be righteous about something: Righteous about a religion, righteous about veganism, righteous about correct behavior, education, success, academics, clothing, how to be compassionate, ecology, race, gender, liberalism, conservatism… all good and valid themes, but as long as we take sides and see the “other” as “wrong,” we are perpetuating what we condemn and we raise people who repeat the creation of division and therefore violence/war. This paradigm of, ”We” (the good ones) and “they" (the bad ones) is war in the making. 

There are no such divisions other than in the divisive, righteous, innocent but confused mind. 

The way to end the vicious cycle of violence is to move away from taking sides and dividing, and develop compassion based in unity and humility instead. That “other person” is as good as you are. Commit to find out how and why and you will start peace and create the change. Start by realizing that no human being is above or bellow anyone else. Only ego imagines degrees of value. 

For example: Are mammals more valuable than plants? Only a mammal’s ego can think this way (innocent mistake; how can we know?) Or: Is the weed less valuable than the cultivated flower? Only the human mind grades plants for its own ego gratification of consumption or beauty. Reality has no such division.  

There are no weeds in the plant world, nor in the animal and human world. Yes, some people suffer so much that they are not safe to themselves or others. They cannot operate in compassion because they are not conscious of the horror that hijacked their minds. And yes, we need to care for them in a way that protects others, while nurturing them back to mental health; not by adding even more pain to their twisted experience, but by healing and restoring their humanity.

I teach this principal of unity in parenting and it brings peace; always. All sibling rivalry resolves when parents follow my guidance on how to never take sides and only offer confirmation, connection, listening and awareness of unity. There are no “they” out there. It is all “we.”

The people criticized in this NY-times article are obviously used to division, judgement and evaluations. They don’t feel good about themselves without finding fault in another (a me better than them paradigm). That worked for them as children. Unfortunately, this NY-times article repeats the offense and offers more condemnation; no relief and no compassion to help people regain connection. 

The relief is here: Join me on social media and in life, workshops and sessions, within your families and friends and online; let us find the valid reason for each person’s passions, and connect with them rather than condemn them. Always start with yourself and your loved ones.

Kindness is the the key to “restart” humanity on a peaceful path, creating music, dance, beauty, art, literature and innovation - not weapons and no methods of control and planetary devastation.  

Kindness is forgiveness and true forgiveness is the ability to see that there is nothing to forgive. It is easy to see when you are the one blamed, and you know well that you did your best and didn’t mean harm. You know you deserve forgiveness; so does everyone else.

If you wish to create such a path of unity and peace, start right now with you. Start checking inside of you by finding the places of righteousness that makes you see another as not part of you. Then work on yourself to debunk and heal the unquestioned concepts that feed these painful beliefs.

If you need help, book yourself a session with me. Together we can heal humanity, one magnificent self at a time.

Copyright Naomi Aldort, all rights reserved. Jan. 2019

 

 

 

 

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Transforming Halloween from Getting to Giving and from Toxic to Green
By Naomi Aldort "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." – Anne Frank

When I first heard of the “trick or treat” phenomenon as an young adult newcomer to the USA, I was feeling uncomfortable to say the least. Once I had children of my own, as a family, we either left home or turned off all the lights in the front, and hid in the back bedroom not wanting to deal with this, to us, unpleasant and backwards ordeal and not wanting our children to be expose to it or eat candy.

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By Naomi Aldort

A friend on our island put this paragraph on his Facebook page on his 83rd’s birthday.“Well here it is again. as I start my 83rd trip around the sun,I am so lucky to be here. From a bad orphanage to a worse foster home to all the things it took to get here. I have survived  5 broken bones, 2 concussions and somewhere over 100 stitches, cancer and heart surgery, and various operations from appendectomy to vasectomy.. still have some of my hair and teeth, have glasses and hearing aids...Somehow I got thru it all, and so it seems to me that God in greater wisdom forgives my humanity. Onward…" 

Why am I quoting it on a parenting page? For perspective. Witnessing someone's picture of a full life can help us see our children with more calm and trust.

 Parents often weaken their children's emotional resilience, by preventing them from hurting, and making life perfectly happy for them. This well intended approach does not prepare children for living happily, but for being needy and unfit for life’s challenges; they are more likely to become unhappy unless all goes their way. I suggest that we let children experience real life. No, not create pain for them on purpose, and not be rude to them to drill them in suffering. What I mean is to allow reasonable and safe unfavorable events to unfold while nurturing resilience, sense of humor, and seeing the larger picture with gratitude.

In other words: Stop teaching the child to escape the storm, and instead, dance with her in the rain.

 By distracting, offering compensations and jumping through hoops to make everything all good, we forget that happiness is a state of mind that can makes it possible to go through challenging times and not the other way around. Happiness is the tool by which a human being is able to go through life’s experiences with appreciation and inner strength. Instead of passing on to children the need to depend on circumstances for their joy, impart the ability to feel happy for being here, and grateful through the many colors of this amazing ride.

 Copyright Naomi Aldort

 

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 Global consumption trance and the future of the planet:

By Naomi Aldort

 

Raising kind and loving children is not enough if we leave them no livable planet. Our leaders are supported by corporations and devoted to their profit. The corporations want to keep the population dependent on cars, fossil fuel and endless products and appliances. We must stop participating in feeding this system; we must stop being consumers! We hold the power. No consumers no profit. No profit means they have to stop production. We are not victims, but creators. As parents and as people, we CAN make a difference by not feeding the greed machine; by not being their puppets.

 

As parents, we must stop turning children into consumers and start raising creators of new possibilities and stuarts of the earth. Dangling lots of goodies in front of our babies and children’s faces turns them into people who are dependent, like us, on products, ease, and instant gratification. We must raise a new generation of people who do not join this destructive path, but get off it; people who will care for this beautiful planet and become free of the global consumption trance.

 

In invite you to start with you, and with your child and family. Taking care of your child must include teaching her to respect the environment. Teach her to feed the body well while nurturing the source - the earth. Parenting in a world in transition requires a giant leap of raising your children to move away from consumerism into creating and living with more love and fewer things; more connection to the earth, and less of raping it for greed and temporary gratifications.

 

Most modern products are not necessary. I invite you to start cleaning the planet by stopping the use of of something you are ready to let go of. There are so many unnecessary things and humans existed before these inventions and did just fine. Minimize driving, avoid plastic items, shampoo, makeup, creams, after-shave, plastic bags, straws, cloth dryer, hair dryer, gadgets, toys…etc. Think of not only the production and the garbage but of the delivery tracks, packaging, production and storage buildings and their creation/maintenance.

 

We are all responsible; we are fueling the greed by shopping, gifting, wrapping, shipping, boxes, cards, gadgets… We are creating the next fire, flood, and ice melt. Did you know that using cloth dryer instead of letting the air dry your clothes is triple assault on the environment? The dryer production, delivery, packaging, parts, stores, maintenance and installation is the first huge factor. Then come the second: the insane amount of energy it takes to blow hot air for an hour or so at a time. And third: it destroys the fabrics quadrupling the amount of clothing production; one of the most polluting and toxic industry on the planet.

           

I have personally stopped buying most products. I hang my clothes (I live in a rainy area, yet even in the winter, I hang my laundry indoor and benefit from the humidity it ads to the dry air.) I take my own produce-bags (mostly of cotton or recycled) as well as grocery bags, and I buy organic and mostly local real direct food. I am developing my own garden and compost my garbage. I hardly ever buy things in containers and I minimize driving and am working with our local government on creating bike trails and more public transportation. I buy second hand clothes and, in the summer, consider a swim in the fresh lake a fantastic shower - its my spa. Cleaning chemicals are another useless line of plastic packaged toxins that ends up in our waters. I use water and vinegar. I make my own toothpaste and use different organic foods and clay for shampoo. 

 

I don’t cook either! I eat raw. This mean almost nothing to clean in the kitchen, no fire, no sticky pots and trays, no need for hot water, soap, sponge, electricity… it is a100% less use of energy in the kitchen. Not buying kitchen products and appliances can cut warming and pollution dramatically. Think of cooking stoves and appliances; their production, the production of the machines that make them, storage, packaging, delivery tracks… As I write I am realizing that eating raw can make a giant difference in curbing pollution and heat (while making us healthier). And no, you don’t have to be vegan, but that is another story.

 

The fossil fuel companies are behind building a society that is dependent on cars in the "brave" new western world, with neighborhoods far from commerce. We must create other ways of mobility (bikes, more trains), and, bring local services and commerce back into neighborhoods, so daily mobility is less of a need. 

 

We cannot fight greed as along as we feed it; we must make a difference right in our own homes and private lives, right now. The leaders are a mirror of each of us as we run our lives and participate in the destruction. 

 

I invite you not only to dramatically reduce your footprint and get out of the consumption crowd, but find other ways that include your teens and children to contribute to change. Stopping consumerism must grow fast if we are to retain life here. Bring the information to the schools; demand or offer classes on getting off the consumption rat-race. Educate other parents, children and specially teenagers who are eager and full of passion.

 

Depending on your life activities and work you can bring this commitment to the work place, create a TED talk, and spread this and other information and videos on social media. Politically, your power (in the USA mostly) is in refusing to vote for anyone who takes money from corporations (coal, fossil fuel, guns, most big Pharma productions, junk food, plastic items, toxic clothing, pesticides (Monsanto) etc,. Our rivers are filling up with toxins of medications, junk food/drink, paint, chemicals and toxins from clothing, cleaning materials, and in the production process of almost anything. Eating only organic (raw) non packaged food, not only improves yours and your children’s health, but depletes the manufacturers of the profit that keeps them going. Capitalism and consumerism cannot be saved or sustained. Its over. But if we don’t stop our consumption addiction fast, according to science, we may be too late.

 

Normally I have a view from my window. Now, as I look out at the white smoke from increase in wildfires is engulfing everything, my heart sinks. Our southern Orca is down to 74 and unhealthy. One newborn died last month, and a five year old died today, emaciated. As I think of the children. What will the children have? Its up to you.

Copyright Naomi Aldort

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This old message I have just found on facebook sums up one of the solutions to siblings' aggression with amazing clarity:

"Hi Naomi, its me,Stephanie, one of your clients! I've been applying your advice to simply remove my baby Michael when his brother Steven pushes, hits, etc. Just now Steven dumped a shovel full of sand on Michael's head, laughing, and Michael simply removed himself from the unpleasant nature phenomena, no tears, no drama! :-) Thanks!"

 

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