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Question: My baby is two months old and cries a lot every evening. I offer to breastfeed but he pushes me away. I have a snugly and carry him a lot. What can I do to prevent his crying?

Answer: I am deeply moved by your question. It used to be that mothers were told to let their baby cry. Today, more and more parents understand the need to respond to the baby and take his crying seriously. Like you, many feel heartbroken when their baby cries in-spite of constant holding and care. Yet babies often cry even when

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An academic DRAFT document provided for the symposium on the Representation of Childhood in Arizona State University, March 2009. A proposal by Naomi Aldort.


Representation of childhood in modern western culture is based on seeing children as flawed and needing to be shaped into adults. The child is seen as failing to be an adult and therefore represented as inferior and cannot be trusted to unfold correctly on her own. Her basic needs are held as “wrong” and are constantly fought against.

Based on this representation, children are not seen; they join society when they have been turned into “adults.” The child is taught adult manners while her childlike ways often elicit scolding, leaving her feeling failing and dependent on external guidance. She spends much of her young years with peer groups controlled by adults.

This view shapes who children are in their own eyes. They grow up to believe that someone other than they should guide their way (the media, peer pressure etc.) The result is a culture of seekers of approval; humans whose depression and dissatisfaction lie in looking outside for cues and for acceptance, while often missing the joyful confidence that comes from being guided from within.


Just a few examples of the manifestation of this childhood representation:

·     Birth: Mothers have been shaped to believe that a doctor should “deliver” their babies.

·     Feeding: The baby learns to ignore her own cues and surrender to mom (who follows the doctor).

·     Learning: Being corrected and taught, the child loses faith in herself and becomes dependent, insecure and needy of approval.

·     Manners: Seeking approval becomes the top priority at the cost of honest relationships. Parent-child struggles start when a child rebels against being controlled, leading to the many difficulties and disabilities we witness today.

·     Sleep: Babies and young children are denied their basic need to sleep next to their mother, learning to ignore self and obey other.

·     Schooling: The invention of an institution for the control of education is the ultimate in modern western representation of children. The child is raised in “herds” of compliance to the adult view of her and how she should be.

The following are some of childhood practices and result of this representation of childhood:


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"Just want to say thanks again, dear lady, for the grand gifts I have received from you through our phone sessions. I often thank God for you."- A mother in DC


Naomi Aldort is the author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, which is published in 17 languages. Parents from around the globe seek Aldort's advice by phone/Skype, in person and through her workshops, webclasses, by reading her book and by listening to her CDs/MP3. She is an engaging public speaker who has lectured in conferences, colleges and private events, transformed the lives of families around the world. 

From infants and toddlers to children and teens including the emotional needs of parents, Naomi Aldort addresses a wide range of parenting issues. Her guidance is not about gentle ways to control a child, but about how to have a well-behaved child without having to control. It is about a way of being and of understanding our children so they can do their best, not because they fear us or seek our approval, but because they want to, of their own free will.

Naomi Aldort brings peace and clarity to difficult situations, as well as to ordinary parenting issues. Her warm and natural approach opens the heart and assists parents in trusting themselves, discovering their own wisdom and trusting their children. The result is deep parent-child connection, peace, and powerful, self-reliant, content children.

Aldort works holistically toward a peaceful and powerful parent-child relationships from infancy through teens. Her SALVE communication formula has been praised as providing the best of The Work of Byron Katie and Nonviolent communication combined, and more.

Naomi addresses all subjects related to parenting of all ages, emotional, behavioral, learning, as well as the needs of parents, including and not limited to:

  • Attachment and your baby's crying
  • Tantrums, aggression, defiance, anger
  • Cooperation without coercion, threats or praise
  • Understanding the cause of the child's behavior
  • Sibling rivalry
  • Bed-time and Nighttime parenting
  • Nurturing Emotional resilience
  • Homeschooling and nurturing talent (music and other)
  • Healthy food for children
  • Partners and relatives
  • Parent’s emotions
  • And much more.

Naomi is married and the mother of three young people who have never been to school and are flourishing professional young adults. 


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©Copyright Naomi Aldort

Biting in the early years is not different from other aggression. Some biting can be benign and transient. A frustrated toddler does not have a rich language and is likely to use her body to express herself. If you respond quickly to the first try quickly, clearly and kindly, there won't be a second time. If your daughter is repeating the biting, two things are happening: Your responses are not clear TO HER. And, the reason for her drive to bite has not been addressed.

There is much more biting in daycares and group settings than there is in children who spend their days with their parents. However, biting does occur, to a lesser degree, in youngesters at home.

A child is always innocently pursuing her needs. Whatever she does is rooted in a valid reason or has a specific and worthy purpose. She could be hungry, learning cause and effect, teething, imitating another child, frustrated. She could also be reacting to wheat, dairy, soy, sugar, food additives or other allergens. If your child is biting excessively or otherwise aggressive, check her for allergies through hair analysis or muscle testing, study the Feingold diet, and check to see if her life is too frustrating for her.

Why Toddlers Sometimes Bite?

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©Copyright Naomi Aldort • All rights reserved.

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Transforming Parent-Child Relationships from Reaction and Struggle to Freedom, Power and Joy

"Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves operates on the radical premise that neither child nor parent must dominate. Aldort offers specific suggestions for relinquishing control in favor of authenticity. Lots of help for those who want to give up scolding, threatening and punishing. Her SALVE "formula" alone is worth the price of the book."

Peggy O´Mara, Mothering Magazine


"...reading your book, It felt like I was 'remembering' something that deep down I knew all along but was clouded with years of being told differently. I'm sure in a few years when my children are a bit older they will want to thank you too :)"



See all translations of the book


Every parent would happily give up ever scolding, punishing or threatening if she only knew how to ensure that her toddler/child/teen would thrive and act responsibly without such painful measures. Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is the answer to this universal wish. It is unlike any other book before it; no more nice and kind ways to control, but a way of being and of understanding your child so she/he can be the best of herself, not because she fears you because she wants to, of her own free will.

After years of assisting hundreds of families to bring peace and joy into their lives, Naomi Aldort now offers in this book a way of parenting that allows the child’s natural competence and caring to unfold. The book provides tools for understanding children’s behaviors so that you (the parent) are able to prevent difficulties and heal existing ones.

“I wonder what is this book
“I wonder what is this book, that my dad keeps reading every time he has a problem with me.”


Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is filled with real life stories that demonstrate how events that would normally erupt into a great stressful upheaval can become heart warming experiences of caring and growing. Some stories will move you to tears, others to laughter, and the book will not cease to challenge every parenting assumption that stands in the way of unconditional love. It will leave you feeling relieved and free to celebrate every minute of this amazing journey with your child/ren.


"In this stunning insight into human nature, Naomi Aldort opens a window into harmonious family living. Simply and eloquently, she describes how parenting can be a truly marvelous path for evolving into one's own self-realization. Her work is rich with inspiration and insight for every parent who seeks greater awareness. "This book deserves to be widely read and not just by parents but by every being who strives for a more peaceful world. Dr. Aldort has distilled the essence of a peaceful world into what can only be described as poetry of the human heart."

Veronika Robinson
Editor of The Mother magazine, UK

"Every once in awhile, a writer comes along who is comfortable speaking the truth, no matter how much it might challenge us or make us uncomfortable. Naomi Aldort is one of those people. She has a clear-headed understanding of how to empower self-realization for both parents and children. And she communicates that understanding using equally lucid and, at the same time, passionate prose. "In Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, she has given parents a vital tool to grow alongside their children. She takes the struggle out of parenting by demonstrating how to replace the controlling and shaping style of parenting with one that values, trusts and nurtures children's innate abilities and autonomy. Simply put, this book is about valuing our children for who they are, rather than for who we want them to be. For many of us, that is not as simple as it sounds, but with Aldort guiding us through our children's ages and stages, it is possible. And that, I believe, is the best gift we can give to both our children and ourselves."

Wendy Priesnitz
Editor of Life Learning magazine,
author of School Free and Challenging Assumptions in Education

"Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is a great book that continues the work that I love. In a world that unceasingly violates our true natures, Naomi reminds us that we really can trust our children and our natural instinct to love them unconditionally. Not only that, she shows us how with clarity and consistency. Her formula for parenting truly is a SALVE for the soul in troubled times."

John Breeding, Ph.D.
Psychiatrist and Author of
The Wildest Colts Make the Best Horses

"Insight, resourcefulness, and wisdom are the real subjects of Naomi Aldort's book -- qualities vital to good (and joyous) parenting. The author is battle-tested in each of these areas and uses a wealth of personal experiences to guide you in finding a successful family formula of your own. Let Dr. Aldort hold your hand for a few hours. You won't regret it."

John Taylor Gatto
Author of Underground History of American Education

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is a book long overdue and should be on the must read list of all new Moms and Dads. This book could carry a subtitle: "Saving the Emotional Lifes of Our Children and The Future of Humanity." As Naomi states: "Love must be unconditional for a child to stay in integrity with his own authentic self."

James Prescott, Ph.D.
Institute of Humanistic Science


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©Copyright Naomi Aldort • All rights reserved.

Family Retreat   Parenting Guiding Sessions   Workshops   Biography   Testimonials  Book 


Click the following link to get to

Naomi Aldort Authentic Parent group on Facebook


This group is a place to engage with likeminded parents, ask questions and share solutions and insights.

To join you will be asked three questions which you must answer in order to join.


This group is for discussion, not to solve your elaborate issues. The best way to receive full support and guidance for difficulties with your children, spouse, relatives, yourself and others, is to set up a Skype session directly with Naomi: PARENTING GUIDING SESSIONS



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©Copyright Naomi Aldort • All rights reserved.

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